you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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