i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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