Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
love makes seman taste better
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
