plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
