Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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