Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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