im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
