Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
