dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
