Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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