Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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