i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think my fart just growled at me.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I have aggressive nipples.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
