I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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