already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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