Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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