i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
