Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
