My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
