i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
