it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
