she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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