Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
