enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
