So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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