Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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