Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I think people are normalizing furries
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
