When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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