Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
