did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
