he wants to bone in the snuggie
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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