Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
