we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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