I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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