We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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