do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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