she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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