there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
