i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I love you. Go after that dick
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
