Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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