I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
