I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
