it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
