We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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