your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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