I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
