??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
