I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
