If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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