So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
