Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
