I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
