Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
