and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
