Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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