Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
